Listening Deeply to Others
During the holidays, we have more chances to connect with the people in our lives. We tune into their worlds as we plan to call them to wish them happy holidays, spend more time with them, or find a nice card or gift for them.
Engaging with our loved ones opens up the opportunity for connection, it also opens up the opportunity for upset to arise sometimes. Ongoingly transforming upset into understanding and compassion is a practice and a gift to yourself and others. As part of this practice, listening can be something we do in service for others.
As an act of support for you being a listener with your loved ones in these coming weeks, we have prepared this blog post with a few tools:
1) An excerpt from a Q&A that focused on the topic of listening deeply to others.
2) A meditation on “Tuning into Others”
3) Suggested practices to go along with the meditation
My Sister
Q: I talked to my sister, I feel like she's going through really a lot when we talk. She goes on and on about who is sick, and what terrible things are happening. I just listen, but I feel helpless. We have a history of competition, we both want to be right, to be heard, to be validated - there’s baggage. She doesn’t do spiritual work; it’s hard to give her spiritual advice. I want to help her feel better, and not be scared. There's something that her soul wants, maybe just to be heard.
A: That’s probably true. It’s probably that simple. And can you give her that? What does that soul want from you? Close your eyes for a second and picture her. Just like you are in her living room and you guys are just sitting on the couch together. You are just kind of in your mind and it is completely empty. There's just nothing going on. There's no history, no baggage, no nothing. It's just you and her. Can you get yourself there?
There is letting go on our part, whatever it is for each one of us. The way you just described it, righteousness and trying to help her to be happier, that letting go is not always easy in those moments where the knee-jerk reaction is -- I want to be right, she needs to fix this. When you starve that part, the part that needs to be right, or needs to fix it, something much deeper happens inside of you. And if you can do it from a place of connection with God, you develop a stronger presence. A stronger presence of God starts to grow inside of you.
Another part of it is hope, love, encouragement, validation, acceptance. That is helpful. So we can begin to shift how we see help coming from us. Well, your help would be there with just loving, accepting, and validating her and encouraging her. That's the way that you can help her.
Meditation
Here is the meditation on “Tuning into Others.”
Journaling
Set aside some time to listen to this meditation.
Journal about the following after listening to the meditation titled “Tuning into Others”.
• Who came to you to focus on?
• What do you feel them calling for or needing?
• What happens inside of you when you become aware of someone in your life wanting or needing something?
• Do you respond? Do you get afraid? Do you want to fix it? Do you help them to go deeper, to get clear about what they really want and how they might find it?
Practice
• Practice listening to the part of you that is tuned in to other people – their needs, their unspoken desires, or a deeper calling for something of truth or freedom.
• Pay attention to what you have to offer to people as you feel what their desire is. • Practice asking questions to help people get to something true, something deeper, something they truly want for their lives.